And I ate lunch.
And now I’m eating a snack.
… This is just weird.
A part of me feels really guilty, but another part is also very relieved. I couldn’t dream of being able to eat this much in a day a couple of months ago- and I haven’t even had dinner yet…
Oh lord. I need to stop thinking about food before I do something bad.
This is my first drawing in half a year :) I finally got my digital painting software set up on my Mac, meaning that I can draw again! I’m not super amazing, but it’s something I love doing just for fun.
Obviously this has a ton of symbolism but I think it speaks for itself. I sort of took what’s going on inside of my head right now and tried to make it an image. And I’m sure a lot of other people have felt this way before, too…
And I have no idea how to feel. I feel a lot of things.
I’ve been waiting for my parents to divorce my entire life. All they have ever done is fight for as long as I’ve been alive, and apparently even before then as well. Whenever my family is together, we bicker and argue and pick at each other, but it’s always the worst between my parents. I don’t remember a single holiday, vacation, or ANYTHING really that wasn’t spoiled by some huge argument between them. They don’t make each other happy and that much is clear to almost anyone who knows them.
But my mom is too afraid of being alone, and my dad is too afraid of change. So instead they make each other miserable and my mom puts up with my dad’s lack of emotional support… but she’s finally waking up and realizing she can change her situation. Find someone who makes her happier.
And my dad is trying to make it seem like it’s all my fault that this is happening.
I don’t mean to whine but… can bad things please just stop happening? Please?
I’m getting what I fucking want. Nothing is going to stand in my way.
And it feels so good.
- Running
- Yoga
- Green Tea
- Greek Yogurt
- Dance Music
- Driving
- Weight Lifting
- Paychecks
oh hey, summer.
thanks for helping me find some new awesome things to put into my life :)
My dad is basically me in a male introvert’s body. If that makes any kind of sense. I inherited his stubbornness, his smarts, his ambition and his insecurities. I also have the same color eyes that he does, as an interesting tidbit.
But anyway. Sometimes it’s hard for me to talk to my dad because of issues we’ve had in the past, but lately our relationship has improved a lot. And every once in a while we have these huge conversations about life and love and everything in between. One of these talks happened as we were driving home from the gym a couple of nights ago.
He told me about when I was born. My mother was simply not built to have children, because my sister and I were both born premature and we both nearly died coming out of the womb. But I made it, and I was crying louder than ever (which is funny, given that I grew up to be a loudmouth).
He said that I’ve always been a fighter, from my very first few seconds on this earth.
That made me smile. And it gave me a lot of hope in myself, finding the strength I’d had even as a baby to fight through the challenges ahead of me. Strength that I didn’t even know I had.
Maybe I’m just now finding it again.
things that sucked about today:
- my parents are fighting (as usual) and throwing me in the middle (… as usual)
- my earring fell out and my piercing closed within seconds
- i worked all day and am still managing to mess up all over the place
- i got stuck in traffic
- the backs of my feet are bleeding again
- i got my period
- my allergies are acting up
- i didn’t even get cast in the show i auditioned for this week
- i fought with my ex for the 4653235675432th time but that’s my fault
- i’m fat
things that rocked about today:
- i cleaned my room
- i fixed my tumblr theme
- no one died
… at least there’s something
Anonymous asked: Honey, you're amazing. I've been on stage since I was five, so I can totally understand where you're coming from. You're just starting out, you've gotta push through if you want this. But believe me, you're extremely talented. I'd pay money to see you perform. Keep working hard, I know you can make it. You're beautiful.
This really means so much to me.
Thank you so much.
There really aren’t words to express how I felt reading this.
Don’t give up, you know it’s 90% luck.
I know… Believe you me, I’m never giving up. Ever.
